I said I’d go back to daily posts during break. That didn’t happen. First week of classes are over. I started a journal. I started writing a book that I’ve been meaning to write for a long time. I haven’t written creatively since high school and I really think this blog has been really helpful in reminding me that I still /can/ write. If not as well as I’d be able to had I not taken a two year hiatus for actually no reason.
I told some professors to call me Caspar. My birth name is no longer giving me dysphoria. I went the entire break being called female pronouns and my birth name and I had no issue with it. So I don’t know what the fuck is happening anymore. I still have no pronoun preference. I just wrote an angsty poem about a girl. I did homework on a Saturday. Life is weird right now.
I think I’m going to keep going by Caspar for this semester. Then I’ll reevaluate over the summer. I think I’m probably really just genderqueer. I’m more at peace about that now. It allows me to keep a lot of the labels that I really like and also opens up new ones for me.
I wrote a lot of angry/love letters over break. I also had a lot of good talks with abusive ex. All of those were really helpful. I feel a lot older now. I think that having time to relax fostered an environment in which some much needed personal growth could occur.
I’m going to try my damndest to keep updating this regularly now. I think that now I’ve made this post it’ll be easier. I’ve just been writing a lot lately and I feel even more like me I have been.
siriuslypadfoot 